Surviving Bonnaroo

Lynn Edwards prepares for Bonnaroo 2010 (Credit: Samuel M. Simpkins/The Tennessean)

Bonnaroo 2010 - The full wrap up

Relive the 2010 Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival

When it comes to navigating the madness that is Manchester during Bonnaroo, you might want to consider a few tips and tricks from a festival veteran.

• As fun as it is to people-watch, don’t forget to keep one eye on the ground as you traverse the wild yonder of Centaroo and the campgrounds. The hippies call this groundscoring, and they do it with catlike precision. You never know what you might find at the end of the day. And come on, are you really going to take those awesome shades to lost and found?

• If you plan to get to’e up from the flo’ up, bring a map and mark a huge red X where your campsite lies. Then at the end of the night, if you get lost, just start talking like a pirate and asking anyone if they want to go in search of ‘the booty.’ I swear you’ll get help finding your way home, especially if you’re a girl.

• Don’t try to feed or pet the mounted cops’ horses. Just keep walking.

• Its OK to pee on yourself under one condition: If you’re in the front row for Jay Z and you’ve been standing there all day to get a legit spot and the lights just came up and its wicked raining and you’re already standing in a huge water puddle of something and everyone is soaking wet and Jay Z says its OK, then yes, you can pee on yourself. That’s our little secret, by the way.

• If you’re nice to the vendors, some of them will hook you up. As in everyday life, a little courtesy and a small tip can go a long way.

• Don’t try to bring a fake mustache to the mustache and beard contest and expect people to think it’s funny. Remember, these are serious hippies competing for hippie prizes. Even Matisyahu can’t win the beard contest at Bonnaroo.

• You can’t sleep overnight in Centaroo and expect to just wake up the next day in time for the noon shows. But you should expect to get your picture taken by vagrants who may or may not also appear in the photo cuddling up next to your unconscious body, have beer spilled on your things and a cleanup crew guy prodding you with a stick at sunrise to make sure you’re still alive.

• The best time to shower is late at night when everyone else is at the silent disco. However, the best time to watch people shower is all day long. Just pretend to be in line but let people go in front of you while you wait for someone to bring you something while you stand by the door until the kid giving out free shampoo catches on. Then you should probably run (I did).

• You’re never too old for Bonnaroo! If you are real old, though, expect everyone to think you’re a NARC.